I gotta say I’ve had such a hard time recently. Do you know when you start getting confused, your days end with lots of questions that grow and increase when you wake up in the morning and your mind almost hurts without a reason? Well, I was getting crazy and a little paranoid, I started feeling lonely even with my best friends being constantly beside me. I also had a lot to study and I really couldn’t find time for myself. I realized I was still into a girl and it wasn’t easy at all. Then I met another girl, here in my town and honestly I found her interesting. Things didn’t go well though - pretty bad I’d say - and we’re arguing a lot, but I lost my interest for her.
My last month has been beautiful. I started reapproaching to the girl I mentioned earlier, but this time I felt like something changed. And it did, it did changed. She was making every single one of my days, she was still and again the reason for me to smile. I was just in love with her and I don’t lie if I say I never quit to love her for a second. I was just waiting for the right moment to tell everything to her. It came itself. And it was unexpectedly wonderful. She doesn’t live into my town, she doesn’t live next to my town, there are something like 340 kilometers between us, so both her and I would never like to have a relationship for this cause. Back then we decided to be friends - with me often trying to be something more.
Midnight, the day of my oral exam had come. And my chest was about to explode ‘cause I was having a chat with her and we were talking about how much we care about each other. I really couldn’t contain what I’ve had in my heart for the past days. I writed “Do you want me to say how much I love you?” and that I am a little frustrated for my unrequited feelings. And she wrote that wasn’t true. I was the happiest person in the world, in the universe and in the history of everything. We still don’t want anything more than a friendship because of the distance, but I am really fucking happy when I write - and say - “I love you” before she gets to sleep. I just want to catch the chance to see her, but I, we need to see each other very often.
She’s my happiness, I’ve never been in love in this way in my entire life and nobody has ever been able to make me so fucking happy. She can cure everything that’s wrong in me, she’s the real perfection, that’s what.
I still can’t accept this thing
I still can’t believe you’re here no more
I’d rather this was one of your jokes
But it’s just the cruel truth.
You didn’t deserve so much pain
You didn’t deserve all that
I just hope you’re fine now
Wherever you are.
Your smile is unforgettable
and I swear to God
I’ll keep you deep inside in my heart
and live as you’ve taught me to.
Thank you for every moment you spent with and for me, giving me pieces of advices, tips to come out from every situations, strenght and a friendly love. My eyes are still full of tears and my heart will always be, but I’ll try to live smiling just like you have done, also when life gets hard.
I’ll miss you, F., rest in peace.